So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize