Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize