I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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