I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
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