Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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