Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
