if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize