No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
