this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
