yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
