I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
