yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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