so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize