Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Hippo gnu deer
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
