Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
