the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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