Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
