PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
