i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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