ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
