May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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