Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
