you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
