ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
