he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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