I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize