Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
even my farts smell like vagina
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
