4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
