With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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