wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
