i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
