Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
did i walk over a car last night?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize