can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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