she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
