let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
