Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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