I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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