he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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