the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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