I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
