I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The beer is more important than you right now.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
