ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize