She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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