you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
