Hey man sorry I got all grabby
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
