Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
