i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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