Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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