FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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