I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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