My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
God, you're like boner-b-gone
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
