You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
