Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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