If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
