I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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