I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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