I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
