it's like iHOP with fire
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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