I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
