So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
