I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
