my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
