I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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