i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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