so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
