I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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