I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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