i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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