I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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