Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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