How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Randomize
