I just gift wrapped bread.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's blow job season.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize