She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
