I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
