My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
