I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just fell off a train. Bad.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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