Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
