I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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