I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
