the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
