I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
