Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
