oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
