Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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