You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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