I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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