why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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