She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
